(Scored out of 10; below 5 = not worth seeing, 6 = OK, 7 = good, 8 = great, 9 = fantastic, 10 = next to perfect)
Zoolander 2 is a misguided attempt at reigniting a dormant flame that saw the light of day for a brief moment 10 or so years ago, only to be extinguished a slightly less stupid flame. Don’t see this movie.
After proving himself to be the most idiotic person/father on the planet, Derek Zoolander (Ben Stiller) has his son taken away from him. Forced out of the fashion industry and without a family, Zoolander changes his name and chooses to live out the rest of his days as a “hermit crab” (think “dumb as a rock”, but that would be an insult to rocks). One day, Billy Zane finds Erek Oolander (his new name) living in a remote cottage on the northern outskirts of New Jersey. Told of a way to reclaim his fame and family, Zoolander travels to Rome. Than he meets Hansel (Owen Wilson) and a bunch of unintelligible bullshit happens. Selfies are taken, shitty jokes are made and a “sexy fight” ensues. Oh, and there may or may not be a “milking” scene somewhere in the mix (there totally is).
Honestly, my first thought when sitting down to write this review was to say, “NOOOOO!” and leave it at that. But since I’m supposed to be a “critic”, I figured I should elaborate. The original Zoolander found modest success in its unique subject matter. There aren’t many other “fashion comedies” on the market, much less fashion comedies with such a wide ranging cast of celebrity cameos. That being said, it still wasn’t well received critically. Zoolander 2 takes what little good came out of the first film, blows its load of ridiculous sex jokes all over it and then hands it back to Will Ferrell. The only laughs to be had in Zoolander 2 are at the expense of the film, not because of how witty or clever the jokes are, but because it is so incredibly juvenile.
I’m cool with brainless comedies every once in while, but Zoolander 2 took that empty head, filled it with rocket fuel and blew it to shit (that should have happened in the movie!). For example, I hate Justin Bieber. But despite my disdain for the Canadian pop icon, watching him get riddled with machine gun fire failed to stir in me even the slightest of chuckles. Instead I watched, yawning, waiting for him to die, and with him my brain cells.
The running gag with Hansel and his orgy did get a couple of genuine laughs out of me, but considering the metric ton of terrible jokes you have to wade through to get to that, it hardly makes up for anything.
I’d like to end the review there, but I have a word count to hit. So in an attempt to save myself some grief, I’ve enlisted the aid of my (surprisingly eloquent) friend to finish it for me.
The opinions expressed in the following excerpt do not necessarily reflect the views of OTL News.
Zoolander 2 was a good movie. However, to say it was a good movie is to suggest that it is analogous to any movie with cinematic merit. Frankly, no matter the list of films, the question asked will be, “is Zoolander 2 comparable to the rest of the movies in my queue?” The answer should be “no”. Now, Zoolander 2 is not a bad movie by any means, it all depends on your comedic preferences. That is to say, if you liked Zoolander (as did I) you will like Zoolander 2 (as I do). There are some highlights; we did not see Maury, which is unfortunate, but we did get to see Will Ferrell, and he did not disappoint with his opposable toes. Zoolander 2 even pays homage to The Empire Strikes Back (SPOILER), who knew Sting was Hansel’s father, probably conceived in an orgy no less! Kristen Wiig is another one that stands out. Her inability to speak is absolutely hilarious. Apart from these singular events, the movie pretty much is a rehash of the original (which just so happens to be a complaint about the latest Star Wars, another connection!). The only real difference is that Mugatu actually kills someone, and instead of Magnum, we get an El Nino (which may or may not be a contrived way of addressing climate issues we are now all facing). However, to end on a note where the concluding comments suggest that the predecessor is the same as what came before is troubling. Such a notion embodies the idea of another movie banking on the rare occurrence of lightning striking twice. Having said that, if Zoolander 2 was less funny and more original, I think it would have been much more enjoyable.
That’s a roundabout way of saying, he kind of liked it… but he knows it sucked.
Overall, Zoolander 2 gets a 3/10 from OTL News.
My friend with extremely questionable taste gives the film a 6/10.
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